Apparently, I have a very stubborn cervix.
And I want to meet our daughter.
Bottom line: it's going to be a repeat c-section. I'm okay with it. We're both okay and we have the time to go in without rushing. I've done this before. It's not my ideal, but in the end, it's what needs to be done.
Do I feel like a failure? I don't think so. I got the chance to try, and I stuck with what I knew I wanted. In the end, it's all about what's right for the two of us. The doc was very frank with me, as having had a previous c-section definitely limits my time allotment, in terms of how long they will let me labor on the Pitocin, as opposed to someone who hasn't had a prior C.
Okay, maybe I'm not completely okay with it, but I will be. I feel like this time around I at least gave myself a chance, and that's all I can really ask of myself. I think it comes down to this: I was fine and handling the contractions well, and all of a sudden I felt...not myself. A bit disoriented, a bit sick, definitely tired. I took a 30 minute nap and it helped, but the fact that there is an end in sight makes me feel better than any nap or medicine or words. Part of what makes me feel better about this choice is that I don't feel backed into a corner, and I know what I'm about to do. The other nice thing is that my doc is the one who will be able to do the birth -- that's a tremendous source of comfort to me, rather than having an unknown on-call doctor digging around my insides.
Doc says we'll likely go in around 4-4:30, and my hope is to have some pix and an update up here later this evening. So I'll tell all of you what I told my husband: go get something to eat, relax, and check back in later.
Thanks again, one and all, for your kind words and unfailing support. See you on the flip side...