Ten Things You Should Know About Me, Part II

1. I am fascinated with the events of September 11, 2001, and I believe it could have been avoided.

2.I attempt to find the good in all people, and consistently remind myself to not judge people because they make choices that are different from my own.

3. God and I are on pretty good terms. We talk a lot. I pray for things like wisdom and peace, forgiveness and understanding. I also pray to know His plans for me, and to walk the path He needs me to follow. I think it’s cool with Him that I do it in my own way.

4. I hate the term “Mrs.” and I never ever address a piece of correspondence to Mrs. John Doe. She’s got a name of her own.

5. I have a touch of the crazy when it comes to educational choices for my daughter.

6. I am a hopeless TV addict. I doubt seriously this will change anytime soon...with the possible exception of the next few weeks getting ready for finals.

7. My goal in life is to live my life with joy and without regret.

8. I have a confidence problem.

9. My ability to tell my parents exactly what I think and how I feel is novice, at best, and I’m just now learning to talk to them without crying.

10. I endlessly compare myself to other people. I don’t know why this is, but I have a compelling force in my nature that insists upon it. I’m working on letting this go.

John Mayer Radio Stalking Incident #9

Time: 11:19AM

Station: Cities 97

Song: Stitched Up, JM w/Herbie Hancock

Location: Heading to Roseville to study with a law school buddy.

Turned on car at this lyric: Herbie's piano solo, right before the last chorus.

Stitched Up twice in what, 10 days? I think Cities has a DJ who has a crush on this song...

John Mayer Radio Stalking Incident #8

Time: 4:48PM

Station: Cities 97

Song: Wonderland, R4S Album Version

Location: Driving to pick the girl up from preschool (Again with the preschool parking lot and Wonderland?!?!)

Turned on car at this lyric: And if you want love...we'll make it (first chorus)

Props to Cities for playing the full album version, not just the radio edit.

Now I just need to hear "Say" on the radio. And...whilst Youtubing it up this morning, I found the video! Downloaded it from iTunes too, but the Youtube feed is way smoother. Stupid decrepit old Dell laptop...

Decisions, Decisions

Tri season is coming up!

Aside from the fact that I've done practically ZERO training since starting law school, I'm really looking forward to this season. First, because it will be infinitely better than the chaos that was last summer...I was probably a little too ambitious to think I could get five triathlons into a summer where I was not only selling my house, but packing, moving, settling into and starting law school, finding a job for my husband, and generally dealing with about as much chaos as one could possibly imagine in the span of three months.

However, I did get three out of five in...so that ain't bad...so here's what I'm thinking:

1. I want to do five this year. If I can get an early race in like I did last year, this should not be a problem.

2. I want to travel again. I don't know if it's going to work, but I would love to go down to Austin again for either Danskin Austin or CapTex. CapTex was actually rained out/cancelled last year- but that was a freak occurrence. Danskin Austin was probably one of the most challenging races I've ever done (bike hill hell!) but I did it once and could probably do it again. If I can't get to Austin, I might try for the Octomax in St. Louis.

3. I will be doing Danskin Chicagoland. I promised my training buddies that I would come down and do it, and I've got some law school buds that will road trip down with me. That's like going home for me. Plus- there is talk of combining with a trip to Great America. Fun for the whole family!

4. Beyond the two "travelers" I want to do roughly two or three local races. There's a new race in Rochester that looks like it could be fun. It's the same weekend as Naperville, which I would also drive down for, but I don't know if I'll have the time. Spirit of Racine is also the week right after Danskin and I can't stay down there for the whole week- but neither do I want to be driving back and forth so much, nor do I want to do two races back to back. I'm not at that level yet.

5. God help me, I'm actually entertaining the thought of doing an Olympic this year. If I had my druthers, I'd do the Oly at Pleasant Prairie, but the timing is off- PP is the first weekend of class next fall. (At least I can get one last August race in this year...)

So...a preliminary race list:

May 3: Chain O Lakes Sprint (indoor swim): Alexandria, MN
May 18: Land Between The Lakes Tri (outdoor swim...brrr!!): Albert Lea, MN
Memorial Day Weekend: CapTex, Austin, TX
June 8: Danskin Austin, Austin, TX
June 14: Liberty Tri (Oly): Maple Plain, MN
June 21: Lake Minnetonka Tri, Minnetonka, MN
June 24: Mankato Tri, Mankato, MN
June 29: Rochesterfest Tri, Rochester, MN
July 13: Danskin Chicagoland, Pleasant Prairie, WI
July 19: Spirit of Racine, Racine, WI
July 20: Door County Tri, Egg Harbor, WI
August 2: Octomax, St. Louis, MO
August 3: Brewhouse Tri, Duluth, MN
August 11: Northwoods Tri, Nevis, MN


One of these days, I'll give up Danskin, or just go and coach or volunteer...I have probably outgrown it as a motivator- for me it's just another race now. However, I'll always have a place for it in my heart- after all, you always remember your first. :)

Damn Right I've Got The Blues!!

And I've got four tickets to see Buddy Guy at Legends in January.

And three friends to road trip to Chicago with to see the show. It will be our "we survived first semester of law school" treat to ourselves.

Plus: Chicago! Woo!!!

It might be too much to ask...and I'll enjoy the show regardless...but I'm kinda hoping this little deal might repeat itself:



John and Buddy, January 2006 at Legends.

Can't wait!!! Sweet Home Chicago!

Current Musical Obsession

Sometimes, a song from a few years ago comes back to move you in a way you never knew it could. I admit, I probably didn't pay proper attention to this one when it first came out (2-3 years ago?) but as I recently went Youtubing for Alicia Keys'new video, I found this gem:

Go listen. And watch. I'll wait. (I don't know how to do the insert-video-here-thingee).

Here are some lyrics (I omitted the spoken word portion, though it's definitely cool):

Baby, baby, baby, from the day I saw you,
I really, really wanted to catch your eye.
There's something special 'bout you; I must really like you,'cause not a lot of guys are worth my time.
Baby, baby, baby,it's gettin' kinda crazy, 'cause you are takin' over my mind.

And it feels like ooo...you don't know my name.
I swear...It feels like ooo...you don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)

Baby, baby, baby, I see us on our first date.
You doin' everything that makes me smile.
And when we had our first kiss, it happened on a Thursday,
and, it set my soul on fire.
Ooh, baby, baby, baby, I can't wait for the first time.
My imagination's runnin' wild...

It feels like ooo...you don't know my name.
And I swear it, baby, it feels like oooo...you don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)
Will you ever know?

I'm sayin' he don't even know what he's doin' to me.
Got me feelin all crazy inside.
I'm I'm feelin like...oh...I'm doin' more than I've ever done for anyone's attention.
Take notice of what's in front of you 'cause did i mention, you're 'bout to miss a good thing?
And you'll never know how good it feels to have all of my affection.

And it feels like ooo...But you don't know my name.
('Round and 'round and 'round we go. Will you ever know?)
And I swear on my mother and father, it feels like oooh...
(But you don't know my name. 'Round and 'round and 'round we go.)

Will you ever know?

As always, Alicia's playing and lyrics are masterful, and she just captures the essence of the song effortlessly. I get that this was probably a song that was "built" around the video-with such a literal interpretation, it couldn't be anything but an organic coexistence.

I've had this experience before...unrequited affection- where you crush on someone you know from afar, wishing like hell the other person could just figure out what's going on inside your head and heart. Sometimes all you can do is imagine picking up the phone, or sending that email, or saying something more than what you might otherwise.

Wishing for something you can't have makes you want it that much more. It also makes you wonder if what you do have is really worth keeping.

I'll keep what I've got- I don't need to worry about what Might Be or what Could Have Been.

But it is fun to imagine every now and again.

Be Grateful. Be Thankful.

"Lord, for the erring thought
Not into evil wrought:
Lord, for the wicked will
Betrayed and baffled still;
For the heart from itself kept,
Our thanksgiving accept."

-- William Dean Howells

New Life x 2

It always warms my heart when someone I know becomes a parent. In this case, it happens to be a classmate, with whom I haven't had much contact since high school, and last saw at the reunion last spring.

Ian is one of the smartest people I know - we'd gone to school together since 7th grade, and I was positive he was going to go to MIT and be a rocket scientist or astronaut or something equally daunting and scientific.

He ended up doing an equally great thing: he's working in a small town in Illinois as a music teacher. Even better than touching the stars, he's teaching them.

He's now the proud father of twin girls, and while I won't post any links here to maintain privacy, I have nothing but the best wishes for this new family. I can only hope that his girls will melt his heart and amaze him every day, just as my girl has done to me since that fateful day almost five years ago when first I saw her face in real life.

So many blessings, mazel tov, and welcome to the wonderful world of babyhood, Ian and Emily. Your girls have found their way into a warm and welcoming family and no doubt you can't remember life before their names (even if they were just born Friday night).

You're gonna be just fine.

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

"Say" was just leaked to Perez!!!!

I won't link it here, but go go go if you are a JM fan and listen, for goddess' sake, LISTEN!

Chillbumps on my spine. God, it is good to hear you, Johnny.

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put them in quotations

Say what you need to say

Walking like a one-man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead if you could only

Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say


- Say, John Mayer

Overall, the song is a more mature acoustic sound- he's got the poet in him, and I think this comes from a different place in his mental archive- he said it was an "assignment" as a writer, whereas he usually writes from a more internal/visceral place. Written for the movie "The Bucket List" which is coming out at Christmas, I would guess he needed to capture the moment of the movie. It also matches some of the preliminary music I've heard in the movie trailer- the "ukelele" sounding music is mixed into this song. However, we've got lots of lovely JM acoustic. Definitely a JM tune, tempered by the limitations of the assignment. The poetry of the lyrics is all JM, and as always, it's eloquent and simply stated.

This is not post-Continuum John...but I'm okay with that. We, as his fans, don't know where his next musical direction will come from, and that's honestly part of what's best about JM- you never know what he'll do next. Frankly, I appreciate the diversity of his music. I was just listening to Go! (his collab with Common) this afternoon. Anyone who can go from hip-hop to Hendrix and back to acoustic cafe in the span of a couple years is a true musician in my book.

If the next album is acoustic, great. If it's electric, eclectic, poetic or all of the above, it's all good as long as it's honest, and as long as it's John.

I'm now off to memorize the lyrics...no doubt what will be on the iPod this weekend.

Edited to add:My best guess is that it will be the "closing credit song." And I hope like hell they add the video to the end of the movie, because my butt will be in the theatre until the very last note of this song. Point blank.

October Project

The summer of 1994 was a pivotal time in my life. I was on the verge of my senior year, tasting the first small bits of true freedom: a driver's license, a reasonable curfew, a car at my disposal, a job which provided good money and a decent amount of free time, and the undeniable invincibility that comes at the magical age of 17. I reflect on that summer with the filter of hindsight, and though I'm sure there were times when I felt life was unfair, I remember having the clarity, even then, to savor what I had- one of the most precious memories I have in my mental scrapbook is slipping out of my parents' house early in the morning and driving down to the lakeshore to watch the sun rise over Lake Michigan. I parked as close to the sand as I could, and using the doorframe as a ladder, I climbed up onto the roof of my car and watched the sky diffuse with light of a hundred colors. I felt my hair wind into knots as the lake breeze lifted it away from my shoulders. I sat with my chin on my knee, folded into a ball with my arms wrapped around my shins. It was as close to a perfect moment as anyone could ever expect in their life.

That summer was filled with summer school, cruising Lake Michigan, a garage sale to raise money for the drama club theatre trip to New York over Thanksgiving, and the warm, hazy feeling that the world was my oyster.

'Twas also the summer of October Project.

In a fit of late-summer discretionary spending, my friends and I bought tickets to the Sarah McLachlan concert. This was Sarah's first major tour- we had 3rd row tickets at the Navy Pier amphitheatre, which seated maybe 10,000 people. Far cry from stadium tours and pre-Lilith Fair. As was custom for teenagers from my hometown, we took the train downtown (because God no, you don't drive downtown Chicago...no no no!) and cabbed over to the Pier for the concert.

Amy, Dan and I arrived in plenty of time to watch the opening act- this little band called October Project. In advance of the concert, I'd picked up their CD- I figured it would be good to at least have an idea of their music before we saw the concert.

It never left my CD player...I dubbed it to tape so I could listen to it in my car.

I've always appreciated a good lyric- I've never been one to deny a good turn of phrase set to a tune. The wonderful thing about OP's lyrics are that they are soulful without trying. Using tight prose and careful rhyme, they grasp the themes of their songs without pounding ridiculous symbolism or metaphor into the listener. At the same time they are far from vapid. Examples:

you rise like a wave in the ocean
and you fall gently back to the sea
now I want to know how to hold you
return to me

you shine like the moon over water
and you darken the sky when you leave
now I want to know how to keep you
return to me

-Return to Me

Take me as I am, I may disappear
Fade into the night, Lighter than your thoughts
Take me while you can, Never knowing who or what you are until you're
Living with the unfamiliar

-Take Me As I Am

Cover the madness, Cover the fear
No one will ever know you were here
A figure in the hallway light returning like a ghost
Something that was left behind, something in a child's mind

-Bury My Lovely

Mary Fahl's voice haunted me for the first time that summer...and as an aspiring vocalist, I could only hope to achieve half the sound she produces through those magnificent pipes. I liked (still like) the fact that her voice is deep, soulful, unconventional, high and dark at the same time. Her tone can best be described as rich. It's the sound a Hershey's Special Dark chocolate bar would make as it was melted and poured into the batter of your mom's flourless chocolate cake.

I recently rediscovered OP, and am in the process of digging out the same CD I bought during that summer...13 years and change ago. OP has since disbanded or gone into exile, but if I ever hear they are playing anywhere in my vicinity...I'm there.

John Mayer Radio Stalking Incident #7

Time: 3:20PM

Station: Cities 97

Song: Stitched Up (Herbie Hancock w/JM)

Location: Driving down the street - 2nd song on the radio.

Turned on car at this lyric: 2nd song...but noteworthy because you NEVER hear this song on the radio. Points to Cities, once again.

John Mayer Radio Stalking Incident #6

Time: 5:03PM

Station: KS-95

Song: Why Georgia, R4S album version

Location: W@lmart Parking Lot

Turned on car at this lyric: "four more exits to my apartment but I am tempted to keep the car in drive...and leave it all behind."

I plan to document this for the foreseeable future...because it's getting downright eerie.

The rules:

1. Only when I am in the TC.
2. Aforementioned format.
3. All JM songs, including JM3 and any named collaborations included.

Forgot to mention: last stalking incident in the law school parking lot- the very next song on the radio after "Dreaming" was "Wrapped Around Your Finger" by The Police. Coincidence? I think not.

Further Evidence That Life Is Unfair

1. It's in L.A.

2. One night only.

3. I HAVE TO SIT MY FIRST FREAKING LAW SCHOOL FINAL EXAM THE NEXT DAY.

No way, even if I took the redeye back, would it work- if I didn't have my stupid finals, I would be on a plane faster than you can say "Continuum."

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Split Screen Sadness/Something's Missing

Cause I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me
So I can say this is the way that I used to be

I can't be sure that this state of mind is not of my own design...I wish there was an over-the-counter test for loneliness like this

Working on myself.

Ups and downs are part of life. I've had ebbs and flows, but this last one was a tsunami. Reading back through my blog, I was up late one night, and that was probably the start of it.

I had three weeks of lost time, hurt feelings (so much hurt...), I let my family, my classmates, myself down. All because of a funk that took me this long to recognize, set right, attempt to free myself from, and get back on track.

Picking up the pieces is the worst part- when I'm down I can find peace inside myself...I absolutely shut down. Coming up for air is not always something I want to do for fear of the aftermath.

I overcame part yesterday by apologizing to my study group and one of my professors...my husband and I, well- that wound is probably too late for stitches, but it's bandaged carefully, we're watching out for infection and hoping it heals without too much scar tissue.

I need to go get my mail, clean my house, and get ready for the weekend- my mom and sister are visiting and it's the last push before Thanksgiving and finals.

Three Phases of First Semester, 1L Year: Paradiso, Purgatorio, Inferno

Paradiso: Heaven. You're in. You got your letter. They called your number. Orientation and first week of classes. Lots and LOTS of free food.

Purgatorio: Six-eight weeks into the semester, you're grinding like crazy, and you start to wonder whatever possessed you to go to law school in the first place. You see a group of non-laws taking a tour of the building, passing through the common area and ogling you as if you and your friends are zoo animals. You want desperately to yell "DON'T DO IT!!!" but you don't- you remember when you were on that tour, and you wish someone had yelled at you.

Inferno: Hell. Exams are three weeks away. Memo is due in eight hours. You and your friends have decided you have to laugh or kill each other. Plans are being made for the end-of-finals liver pickle and covered dish open house. You can't look at a casebook again for fear of being rendered permanently cross eyed.

This is the afterlife, my friend...and nobody gets out alive. You didn't notice the invisible banner hanging over the front door to the law school on the first day of classes. It blended in with the red bricks and ivy and lofty dreams.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

Such characters in colour dim I mark'd
Over a portal's lofty arch inscrib'd:
Whereat I thus: Master, these words import.

-Dante, "Divine Comedy"

Freaky Deaky Weeky

So...I've written before about how it is generally a good day when I find a JM tune on the radio.

The last few days have been just plain freaky. The TC, we do love us some JM.

Off work about 2:25 yesterday, KS-95 (94.5 on your FM dial!). I turn the car on, hear the last of the traffic report, and... "Welcome to the real world, she said to me, condescendingly!"

True confession: I always sing "they listen to Phish but they can't find the answers" and "I am invincible...you are invincible...we are invincible" whenever I hear this song. I get the feeling that JM probably meant those lyrics more than what's on RFS.

Moved the car from home to school around 4:30PM...and I turned the radio to Cities 97.1. I actually thought to myself Just heard John on KS-95...maybe Cities will play him. No idea who the DJ was, but I hear "here's the newest from John Mayer." Piano tune, then "when you're dreaming with a broken heart...the waking up is the hardest part."

Earlier this week, I had Cities 97.1 on again, and heard their in-studio version of "Wonderland" - which was a nice change of pace- it's still nice to hear, but I love hearing live or variant versions of old tunes. Had to sit in the preschool parking lot for a few minutes at let the song finish.

Station winner in head-to-head, sudden death Mortal Kombat: Cities, hands down. Not only did they play a cut from Continuum, when they played Wonderland, it wasn't the RFS version. Kudos to Cities. Both times I've heard JM on KS-95, it's been something from RFS- not that I mind it -at all- but come on...the man's had three albums and a hell of a career since 2002. Live in the now!

John Mayer, you are stalking me through my fair cities' airwaves!

Guy Fawkes Day

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up King and Parli'ment.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

To all ye who may celebrate, Happy Guy Fawkes Night!

Music That Never Fails To Make Me Smile

1. Anything that involves a '40s swing beat. I believe Rob once called it "sexy Gene Krupa-style tom-tom drumming." It's true- if you don't shake your leg, snap your fingers or nod your head to this music, you aren't human.

2. "Still Crazy After All These Years" - Paul Simon. Good memories, there- listening to my parents' vinyl collection in the summers at home.

3. "O Fortuna"- chorus from Carmina Burana. There's just something about the tympani and a full operatic chorus belting out at fortissimo.

4. "Keep Their Heads Ringin'" - Dr. Dre Yes. I am a white girl. No, I don't care. Funkingroovin, muthafucka. Nothing better to get a solid groove going. (I do know the lyrics- I get sort of a Michael-Bolton-Office-Space feeling when I rap along, so I try to keep my fly flows at home, where they belong.

5. "The Jackal" - Ronnie Jordan West Wing, Season One- Episode 3? 4? Meh. Whatever. Acid jazz genius.

6. "Pon de Replay" Rihanna. Just plain old friggin' good dance music. Also has some of the drumming in #1 above.

7. "Friend or Foe" - T.A.T.U. #6 but with hot Russian lesbian schoolgirls. What's not to love?

8. "Baby Got Back"- Sir Mix-A-Lot I like big butts, and I cannot lie.

9. "Backstreet's Back"- Backstreet Boys Sorry. On the radio + me in the car = leadfoot, and me losing my shit.

More later...too many to contemplate...and I have to get ready for Criminal Law class...