Saturday, January 5, 2008

The Many Loves of John Clayton Mayer

It's been a while since we had a quality John Mayer Fest around these parts, and damn if I'm about to let my fangirl responsibilities slide!

It's been all quiet on the Mayer front since after Christmas- no scary New Year's blogs or tales of drunken Mayers hanging with Perez. It looks like we're avoiding Stop This Trainwreck 2008, as JM is currently courting the lovely, talented, seemingly normal and seemingly un-psycho Minka Kelly. JM has long said his taste in women runs to the brunette, and in every picture I've ever seen of the two of them, they look happy, relaxed and unbothered.

I also have to give Minka big props. I shall explain. Bear with me.

As is my wont, I grabbed the tabloid rags as diversion whilst combing the aisles of the grocery store this evening. I do this so I don't actually buy them. Today's selection: US Weekly, Star, InTouch and People.

USWeekly had a lovely article on one Miss Pop Tart (see above re: Stop This Trainwreck Tour 2007) regarding her desperation in the love arena. Apparently the girl has designs on the current starting quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, has rented a house in Dallas to be close to him, has shown up at his games with decidedly negative results, and has contemplated moving to Dallas permanently to "work on her country album." Her father, manager, and ruiner of her life, Joe Tart, apparently approves of this latest beau, as he initially approved of JM. Joe has allegedly offered Mr. QB a small roll in Pop's next movie. (If you've been off the radar screen, the last two were ridiculous, low budgeted, self financed and complete failures.)

The point of the article was this: Miss Tart has a tendency to mold herself to fit the image of the woman she thinks her man wants. The sidebar had a case in point: Miss Tart with JM. When they started seeing each other, Pop had blonde tresses and dressed in her normal fashion. Toward the middle of her tryst with JM, she started dressing in black and dyed her hair a lovely auburn-brown. She adopted his trademark aviator sunglasses. She followed him around without remorse- as if she had nothing better to do than be with him.

Correct me if I'm wrong but this is a woman who is supposed to be a star in her own right. She's a singer, yes? A former reality star? A fashion and shoe designer? So...doesn't that beg the question...why isn't she working?

I do feel a tish bit of pity for the girl- she's obviously got a hero complex where her father is concerned, and he's obviously mis-managing her. She doesn't know he's a Svengali, and that's pretty sad. If I were her, I would ditch the dad and concentrate on the one thing that is actually working in her career: the fashion line. The boys, the music? Back burner, honey. Get your act together and give dear ol'dad the big Texas stomp.

As for any of JM's other former flames, let's do a quick rundown, shall we?

Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt recently announced her engagement to a Scottish actor whose name I have forgotten. They were on vacation when the whole "she's a size 2 and she has FLAB" flap came up. Props to JLH for standing up for the girls on that one. Common lore has it that JM wrote "Wonderland" about JLH, but as any serious fan knows...JLH was his muse for an unreleased fan favorite song called "In Your Atmosphere (L.A. song)". The charity review concert happened a couple weeks after JLH's announcement, and JM blogged that he was going to attempt IYA at the concert. He did, in fact play it.

Draw your own conclusions, but methinks the Mayer might have been pining a bit. Miss Kelly was in the audience that night, and it's my humble opinion that he's either over JLH completely, and was wishing her a final farewell, or he has balls of steel to play a song about an old girlfriend in front of a current one. Either that or Minka doesn't know the story, or he's written a song for her that's better.

Cameron Diaz: no photos, no proof. No relationship as far as I'm concerned.

Mandy Moore: another brunette. Good friends. I believe this- I'm certain she's got her qualities but she doesn't seem like the type to put up with some of his bullshit.

And...we circle back to my original point: as I was pacing the aisles of the local supermarket, I came across another article in Star Magazine, regarding Miss Minka Kelly. Apparently, Minka is taking Japanese lessons, both in a class and by private tutor. Minka continues to work on her series, and she and JM seem to be doing the bicoastal relationship thing, with some Austin thrown in whilst she's on-set for Friday Night Lights. This is a healthy thing. I think she's far more confident with herself, by the simple fact that he's come to her, rather than her following him around all the time. Likewise, she's giving one of his passions a try: JM loves all things Japanese, and he speaks the language (as Ryan Seacrest found out on live TV last year at the Grammys. Pwned, Seacrest!)

To me, this is the sign of a good relationship. She's exploring something that he likes. She's not changing herself or hanging on him- and learning a little Japanese is certainly an endearment, not an obsession. I'm thinking he'll try some of her things too- and I hope they are safe with each other til long past St. Patrick's Day.

So big props to Minka for expanding her horizons...big props to JM for dating a good woman, and even bigger props to them both for having the grace to let it play out in good humor in the press. I hope they are both currently holed up together, cuddling under a quilt and watching bad movies. That's where I'd be if I was young, famous and in love.

Hell, it's where I'll be later tonight after the girl goes to bed. Bring on the popcorn!

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